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They have lots of information on their site HERE as well as a number to call if you would like to speak to someone directly. I do care but I don't love them and that guilt is killing me. Hi Angela, We had just been told he's got anxiety he's 6, maybe if you took your little boy to the doctors and explained how he behaves there might be underlying issue that's not been picked up. I do have a heart that longs to be loved but I can't allow it. I (F16) don't want to live with my parents anymore. My BF asked me if his 17 year old daughter could live with us and I said no. Understanding that you don’t have to be your child’s friend can help you come to terms with who your child is–and accept them. We had just been told he's got anxiety he's 6, maybe if you took your little boy to the doctors and explained how he behaves there might be underlying issue that's not been picked up. From a woman who has been through a lot to and has PTSD like the other person said I think you have this to and finding your feelings can be hard..it doesn't feel like the medication helps and I said that for years but after giving them chance it started helping a hit..it takes time over a month. Coping with your own feelings of devastation and then a child is exhausting. Forget Your Past Failures. Hopefully, some of our lovely members will be along soon to offer you their support and advice. No one bats an eyelid when they do. What sort of childhood did you have? I don't want to live with my child anymore . The guilt is eating me whole, I haven't managed to make her happy and I don't even like her and struggle to love her. If that is the case then you do love him. Mc 5 Weeks/5days (twin) ⭐️ THE GUILT IS 24/7, I am trying so hard but I am exhausted now and I am sick of her treating us all like utter crap all of the time. My husband feels stuck, being an only child. Clubs etc is no place to meet a nice good man in my opinion it's unlikely. I'm under a psychiatrist already but it turns out even they cannot fix this with their pill pushing. I firstly could not imagine having to deal with his behaviour while having to look after a newborn. It was always obvious that she was different but it took a lot of fighting with GPs to be referred for a diagnosis. When children live with their dads, people automatically assume the mother is a terrible person. Imagine the worst - that you did not see him any more ever - would that fill you with panic/ sadness? I think you DO love him because you do all the things a good parent would do. Sending big hugs your way. olds, 1-8yrs old, my father passed away about 8 yrs. Xx I used to think of myself as a good mum, but I feel like this behaviour must be my fault so I must not be very good at it after all. My husband is not really very helpful but he tries to be supportive to me. I know I'm going to sound incredibly entitled but my parents aren't exactly present in my life and anytime they are they push me to live with them. Older children may become withdrawn, show disinterest or just be blunt and say, 'I don’t want to go'. This way, they can provide a better home for their child and recommit to their parenting responsibilities. See the GP about depression if that is the case and take some proper treatment. She is violent, aggressive, spiteful, negative and has a problem with almost everything. With a lot of help from my parents I managed to get away from him. But it's a logical and normal reaction to how you're feeling and what you're going through. Your hear lying through "selective memory. I am a 38 year old single mum to 2, aged 4 and 6. They were painful words. But does anyone else really resent that the responsibility always falls on the mother? I know typically when a couple split up the children live with their mother, but I can't help but want to split up with my boyfriend and leave my son to live with him. Conclusion. They were using mindfulness meditation to do it and one of the mums there was doing it with her child as bonding time. You have mentioned that your daughter is almost 10 and I wonder if it could be helpful to offer her a little control by allowing her to contact a help service - with your guidance. I suppose I'm just looking to see if anyone else has every felt anything similar, otherwise I must just be a terrible person :(. I had my first daughter (I was irresponsible and it was not a planned pregnancy) by an abusive drug addict who I was stuck in a relationship with because he would trap me inside and threaten me. At 6 she was diagnosed with ADHD and I strongly suspect that it was hereditary from her biological father. Do you feel these are just thoughts or are you fearing that she may be at risk of acting on them? Jenny, you said that you have had counselling and medication and are aware of CBT, but that none of it has worked - is that right? We learnt lots of mind body things on the course and I benefitted from them all, but mindfulness was kind of a recentering of yourself and a way to live happy in the moment. Sending you and your son my best wishes xx. I sometimes think of my son and feel such hatred towards him (but don't let him know that), I dread him coming back from his dad's, I dread 3:15 when he comes back from school and even pay for him to stay longer (which he loves doing) just so I don't have to deal with the subconscious resentment that I have to hide from him and the resentment I feel for myself for feeling that way. It's clear from what you write that you love your son. Our children need love and attention, and plenty to occupy their minds and work to do with their bodies. i'm a bad mother. You name it, I've tried it and it doesn't change a thing. :sadhug I've done everything I can to give her a semblance of normality and he has been good to her despite how constantly negative and aggressive she is ) because she scratched her hard when they were in the pool in the summer for no reason. Sometimes, people thinking, “I don’t want my child to live with me anymore” don’t necessarily want to terminate their parental rights — but they do wish for a break from parenting to better their situation. I find myself wanting to love them but I just can't. What we're your parents like? Zoe, you have done everything you can to seek help and support from services to try and help this situation and find a way forward. 'After a few hours of staying at mine, my son says he wants to go home and doesn’t want to stay overnight.' My home is my sanctuary. Read books to them and do yoga. Like you, the dread that enters me when the weekend comes and I know they are going to be home is just more than I can bear. This is only changed if proof of neglect or abuse can be made against one of the parents. 5. You need to do this not only for you for your son because to him you are the most important person in the world so yes...someone does love you and that love won't ever end like a relationship can. It has massively improved behaviour and learning in the school, plus the children are fitter and winning all the sporting events. There is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child and I really believe that everyone needs help. my mum rarely drunk anymore. I don't have much more to add than what had been good advice so far, but you may find when he has to put his hand in his pocket to feed and clothe her and take her to and from school every day (a 12 mile journey is a real trek and it's a toss up as to who gets bored of it first), he's less keen for her to live … I now am isolated and depressed. I don't think it's simple but i definitely don't think that you don't love your son i don't honestly want him anymore. Even though he lives close by, my son hardly calls or comes over. I am depressed. I don't want him. Now, I did a mind body course about 8 years ago when I was suffering deep depression because of infertility that had been going on a decade and after my first IVF ended in a second trimester miscarriage and then a failed frozen embryo attempt. Helping other people, achieving something impossible? This was brought on by issues with her friends at school and EVERYTHING has been put in place to help her at school but it's not enough. If I admit how I feel will they take my child. Obviously I can't talk to anyone about any of these feelings because they would automatically judge me and assume the worst. Sent from my iPhone using Netmums, Hello Zoe, I love my son so much, but I'm afraid I've started to dislike him, I don't like spending any time with him because I know exactly how it's going to go. I'm starting to feel resentful and I don't look forward to spending time in my home anymore. I'm not talking about leaving never to be seen again, I obviously still want a relationship with my son and to see him regularly, the same way children would normally go and stay with their dad at the weekend. Really really hard. We did mindfulness meditition on the course and for me it was the single most useful technique we learnt and the one I still use today whenever things are tough. If you don't want or can no longer meet your responsibilities call child services and discuss what options there are for your child. I don't take them out, because I have to constantly be on my guard. She very rarely slept and was distressed and crying for a large proportion of the time, i had just had a botched c section, I was in physical and emotional pain. If your child does not want to live with you because you enforce the rules and the other parent doesn’t, for example, this is a situation where you should likely disregard your child’s wishes. I hope you can find some support that will help you. This thread has been a revelation for me. And yet it's normal for dads to leave! We have tried almost everything. Not all adult children partake in substance abuse, but many do. I wish I could work 12 hours/day, 7 days a week and come home and snuggle them for 15 minutes at bedtime. My son is 4 now, and it seems as though his days of being "cute" and "sweet" are well and truly over. You cry at the message u wrote. But now he is the total opposite, he has his violent outbursts, is really rude to people and runs away from me in shops and hides. Sounds like he has some stresses in his life, I imagine he is struggling with hormones & changes as he is going through puberty, let alone all of the wild & scary things that are out there in social media and school and so on. He tells us he’s busy working and being a father and husband. It's usually punches or kicks, but when I don't rise to that, like I'll just ignore him to not give him any attention, he will bite me. So my life at home is really difficult for me at the moment because I am struggling with my relationships with both of them. Nothing I did seemed to soothe my baby and I didn't feel a connection to her at all. If you didn't care, if you didn't have any of those maternal feelings towards her, would you be feeling so guilty and desperate now? MH is such a complex condition that there is no such thing as one size fits all, but there will be treatment (or a combination of)that can help Jenny. I want you to live. Leave the blokes alone for a while until you are fixed. I pay for them, make sure they eat healthy food, are doing well at school, put in boundaries and try my best to love them. I feel like a failure and a let down, because mum's are not meant to say the things like this. I'm constantly shouting at her and have smacked her a few times (though not overly hard) just out of sheer frustration. I would kill for a family environment, a husband, someone to love my son and I so that I don't feel dead inside anymore, I would love to feel like I loved my son and not feel like he would be better off without me, I am writing this with tears running down my face. Can you imagine how good that would feel? I look at the mums at the school gate and wonder is there some kind of secret that nobody is letting me in on? Try and turn it around so that they get your attention for every small little thing that is good behaviour. I definitely think you need to go see your doctor on your own and with your son. My life is hell daily. my mum met someone new but he wasn't from our city so he visited us. Well done for coming forward. I actually used to really enjoy being a mum when my little boy was a baby and a toddler. We had to give our dog up because of her. My son can be an evil little bleep, and my daughter is just unable to control her behaviour. The lady was crying at the end saying that she had missed out on all the memories of her child being little because she had never bonded and had pushed him away because of all his behaviour for so many years. I do not want to be the horrible new daughter in law and kick her out. I receive constant abusive from him even when I think I have managed block him in every form possible he still manages. But again, this can also come from other sources, such as childhood friends or just the need to be rebellious throughout life.. But I don’t know what to do I just really don’t want too live anymore !! 4. I don't need them to do it for me, I do it for myself all day every day. They are just meant to pick up and get on. Well done for putting reaching out to someone with all your feelings it must be so hard for you keeping all this bottled up. They are only like they are towards you with the abuse because they feel horrible inside and project it onto you. Have you been back to your GP to discuss your concerns over her suicidal thoughts? Are you able to tell us a little more Zoe? The only thing that stops these horrible feelings is going to the gym but I can't go everyday because of my son and so it turns in to a vicious circle of resentment . I can't stand to live here anymore but I'm only sixteen and can't legally move out but I have nowhere to go because my family doesn't really care about me. I cry all of the time. When you least expect it he will come along, all you need to remember is this child isn't going to hurt you like you've been hurt...maybe do small activities with your little boy and build up a stronger bond from where I'm sitting you have trust issues but with your son it's different than any man. I often feel like I can't make it until my little one's bed time and put her down early (thankfully she goes down well like yours), I can hear myself shouting silently in my head for her to shut up and go away and it can make you feel horrible. I hope you can find some support that will help you. I know there are a lot of parenting cynics out there. Netmums has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting. I'm 24, and my son is 3 yrs old. The Netmums forum is currently in read-only mode while we roll out some updates. But it sounds like you’re stuck between 2 different lives-1 as mummy and 1 as the new you who has the freedom to do what she wants now you’re free of your abusive past. Anon (2401180) Posted on 18-04-2017 at 9.40PM . Enjoy the things he enjoys. he … Social services aren't interested because she isn't at risk from us as parents In most states, a child is bound by the parenting agreement until he or she is 18. But when a parent is struggling I think it's normal to experience feelings of resentment. She has put holes in my doors, broken my things, she screams and she wails strange, haunting wails and NOTHING I ever say or do changes anything. i want to live my life and be free, he is holding me back. But it's a logical and normal reaction to how you're feeling and what you're going through. You have been severely abused and this has lead to you not loving yourself which is being projected onto your son as the cause. I don't want to live with her anymore. It sounds like you have got into a rut of negativity. The fact that you hide the feelings of resentment shows this! All nice calming things you can do together that will give them attention. I take the pills but all the pills in the world can't fix this. You need to find something that makes you feel good about yourself and builds yourself back up. Learning positive parenting techniques might help. Tel; 0808 802 5544. I like you have tried everything, from medication, counselling, and CBT. Coping with your own feelings of devastation and then a child is exhausting. I told him that if he wanted to help her and live with her than he could move out into his own place with her and we would just not live … Do you think there are any genetic traits about your son that remind you of your abuser? I started feeling like this with my eldest... she is now 12. A. There is the saying that the devil makes work for idle hands. She also bangs around in her bedroom and makes noise to wake her baby sister up despite us BEGGING her to stop and BEGGING for some chill out time as grown ups without having to look after kids just for a couple of hours in the evening. Please someone give me some answers. please help. Im really relating to you I’ve been here only it was much worse for me I got myself into depression where I wasn’t doing anything with my life. The birth was a traumatic C-Section, the pain relief didn't work properly and I could feel the surgeons hands inside me and they had to put me under general anaesthetic. If these ADHD children can learn it and they are so very distractable, then anyone can. I'm in my 50's and have been very happy living alone by choice. I am 46yrs old, married for 28 yrs., 2 children 1-13yrs. I definitely think you need to go see your doctor on your own and with your son. And try to spend more time with your son doing new and fun things, a new walk, soft play, craft things, cooking etc. I've already raised a child, been married twice and never really asked my parents for anything since I left home 35 years ago. If you break no one else will help your … Anyway, like you I am sitting here with tears running down my face at what I am about to say, but i don't want my children anymore. I have no family or friends around me and I have no access to childcare unless I pay for it. I suppose I better start with a bit of a back story, I am a single mum (26) of a 5 year old and have been for 2 years! I'm struggling financially, emotionally and my physical health is suffering. My daughter is 3 and doesn't listen to me or do anything I ask. Dec 11, 2016 #6 He will never be a big part of my life. it seems like out of all three kids he only yells at me. I am doing my best and i have no life! I've realised recently that I'm not in love with my boyfriend anymore, and I really can't bare living with him anymore as it just feels forced and like a lie. The court’s aim is to decide what is in the best interests of the child. He was upset and made at me. My sons are 6ft boys and I dread to think what damage they could do to me if they ever hit me. Things cannot go on like this for your family. It may be very hard, but don't get caught up in your feelings. Your son sounds a good lad and i hope you recover from this and are able to trust again, it wont be easy but you will im sure when you have healed. She upsets me every day. She upsets me every day. I was on autopilot and felt a complete disconnect and I was EXHAUSTED. You need to be a little kinder to yourself and by accessing the help you deserve, you can start to feel alive and enjoy being a mum again. I have tried every parenting tip in the book, form nice to cross. What we're your parents like? I know that if I say no to him then I've got some sort of attack coming to me. :hug: You have been severely abused and this has lead to you not loving yourself which is being projected onto your son as the cause. I would get yourself on a course ASAP and then try practicing it with your children. Also I think my attitude is probably making things worse as I'm sure he must sense it. You can call them, email them or drop in to their branch and they are able to talk through your situation and help you to access local services. He's a good kid, typical 5 year old who is complete bum hole at times but he does everything I ask of him with very little fuss but I just can't seem to love him, it sounds completely stupid but I am so cold hearted these days that I couldn't care less if he is here or not and I feel awful about it but It's true, I can't wait for him to go to bed (which he does without argument) , I can't wait for him to go to his dads but when he does I sit around feeling so lonely and usually go out clubbing purely to fill the time! Xx. If they are bored they will get up to things. He seem to be able to offer me the security I so needed at the time. There is usually something going on in my life that causes these feelings to surface, it may be depression, it could be loneliness, it could be feeling left out and mid life crisis type thing! But again can you imagine the judgement from people? Clubs etc is no place to meet a nice good man in my opinion it's unlikely. I was very young when I met him and he was 20 years my senior. EVERYTHING is drama. She can be the most horrible person in the world. I think you should go and speak to your doctor and tell them everything you have told us they aren't there to judge you but to offer you advice I went a month ago I felt like all I wanted to were walk out of my family home Iv never thought I would want to leave my little boy he's my world but I were hating the word mummy and I were scared I were going to turn against him. You can find out more about this HERE . I'm juggling so many plates and trying to do my best. She does ANYTHING she can to get her own way. Response time almost always gets longer as kids get older, experts agree. He doesn't live in the Uk and he will be flying out with them. No one understands how miserable they can make our lives... but I know that these feelings are based on me! My husband is not really very helpful but he tries to be supportive to me. Until this day happens, live a full life. should i give him up for adoption? I think I did it because I wanted a lifeline. I also have a lovely cat that I am having to re-home because the children hurt her all the time and it is constant battle to get them to stop. I am reading this back and feeling like the most horrid person that graced this earth, I have done the whole medication thing and the counselling thing but neither makes anything better, I took medication for a long time and it just made me worse, the consolers can't really answer it when I say to them you can give me every coping technique the CBT books tell you to say But it really doesn't fix the root cause of the issue which is you can buy every bit of happiness in the world, go to every activity and club to meet people and all that rubbish but if you can't be loved or feel love what is the point. Many of the other posts on here about others who are struggling to get any enjoyment out of being a mum, seem to be coming from women who are the mothers of babies, where it can usually be linked to post natal depression. Are you under any MH team right now? I Don't Want My Kids Anymore. I don't know what to do. I am half tempted to email him during the week and say that I don't want them back. I know typically when a couple split up the children live with their mother, but I can't help but want to split up with my boyfriend and leave my son to live with him. Build on it bit by bit. What a really sad post this was to read - well done you for having the courage to write so honestly about how you're feeling. I'm feeling really bad. by Gary Direnfeld Maybe I don't hide it as well as I think I do. (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk) ‘I don’t want to live anymore but I’m scared to die’ is one of the most-searched mental illness confessions on Google. Pregnant 8 Weeks IVF Rainbow baby I was watching the program last night about ADHD and getting kids off all the medication. I too was in an abusive relationship for many years, to many to count. I want you to want to live. I was with his dad for 7 years which during that time he cheated on my constantly and inflicted constant cruelty and took every penny I had and more while I stayed completely loyal and catered to his every need. I actually used to really enjoy being a mum when my little boy was a baby and a toddler. You'll need to take the emotional and practical aspects of a new living arrangement into account as you plan a discussion with your child (and your ex). I know that sounds so awful but that is how I feel. His aunt is a very opinionated woman. 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